Ineedagoddamnnap!

Vacation, bleeding dogs and missing pickles...

For some reason, my life is always filled to the brim with chaos. Sometimes I think I enjoy it that way, other times, I want to check myself into the nearest psych ward. I got married August 26, 2005. Every year since, we have vacationed at the beach the week of our wedding anniversary. Some of my family members generally come along for some of the trip, which is nice. Last year, with three small children in tow, our vacation was much like The Griswold's. Perhaps I should dig that post out.

This year was different, yet equally as full of insanity. We rented a house this year, rather than staying in a hotel. My sister, brother in law, one year old nephew, my Mom, younger brother and step father all joined us. Well, actually, my sister picked the house out and set everything up, but that isn't really relevant. I just wanted to point out that it isn't like we footed the bill for a house at the beach and then had all these visitors join us for a free ride. Anyway, the day we left started off with a bang as my husband decided to tell me he wanted to go get his eyes checked before we started off on our two hour journey. Um, no. You will not be getting your eyes checked the morning we are leaving for vacation, unless you want to get up early to do so without interrupting everyone else's plans. He wasn't happy. Oh well.

Once we arrived and carried half our house inside to our rooms, I realized I forgot the sheets I had carefully put on the chair to stick in the suitcase. Go figure. My Mom assured me she had enough for me to use, so I didn't get my panties in a wad about it. The kids were running around like wild animals, the adults were trying to figure out what the hell was going on and how we were going to prevent the many young children from breaking anything in the multi-million dollar home. In the meantime, back at home, my mother in law was given one of our cars and a key to our home to take care of our pets. As my luck would have it, our dog, Cali, went into heat the day before we left. Isn't that just lovely?

The week was beautiful, the weather was perfect, the house was amazing and the beach is my favorite place in the world. However, we had about a million and one arguments, children throwing temper tantrums, ants on the counter, more arguing, separate beds because the kids wouldn't sleep alone and minimal internet connection to feed my facebook gaming addiction. Our anniversary was spent largely not speaking, but I cannot remember what the hell we were arguing about. Pancakes maybe? Something stupid and unimportant, I'm sure. We were supposed to go out to dinner that night while my Mom watched the kids, but that didn't happen. At that point, part of me was ready to pack up and drive home and the other part was ready to go get a hotel room on my own and not give anyone the address!

Vacationing with a four year old, a two year old and two, one year olds is challenging. Especially when 3/4's of them belong to yours truly! The kids had a great time, plenty of rides on the boardwalk, funnel cake, stuffed animals to bring home for the dog to tear apart...you know, all that good stuff. There were 5 bathrooms in the house, but only one bathtub- the rest were showers. The tub was a jacuzzi and very difficult to bathe our children in. The baby slid all around, the older two thought it was a swimming pool and splashed buckets of bubbly water in the babies face, causing her to scream bloody murder. You couldn't exactly lean over this tub either, so by the time the bath was over- I was soaked and in desperate need of a back massage.

Despite slathering myself up with sunscreen and sitting under a jumbo tent on the beach, I still managed to get sunburn on my back the second day we were there. That felt great. Hot-cold-hot-cold. Couldn't wear a bra, couldn't sleep, couldn't stand the warmth of the shower touching my back. Just my luck. The bay and ocean were swarming with jelly fish, making it rather difficult for the kids to have much fun in the water. We bought kites, but damnit if any of us could get them to stay in the air for more than a few seconds. I played with my Mom's metal detector, but found nothing more than a rusty nickel. We paid a hundred dollars for a pirate ship ride, thinking the kids would have a blast, little did we know the younger two wanted to sit the entire time under the covered area- away from any action. Money well spent.

We did get the pleasure of watching the dolphins jump several times a day. We had a great water view from our balcony and Gianna, especially, got a kick out of watching the dolphins play in front of us. I got my nose pierced, something I had wanted to do for a really long time. My sister went into the shop with me, and before I had mine done, she decided she would do it as well. I went first and it appears as if the piercer hit a capillary or something because blood shot out my nose and dripped down my face, onto my chest. I didn't realize what was happening until my sister inhaled deeply and said "Yeah, you can rip that paper I signed up because I am not doing that!" She ended up doing it anyway, and didn't bleed at all. After 80 bucks and a giant needle through her nose, she took hers out less than a week after getting it done. I am still enjoying mine, although I am still trying to manage the art of picking my nose with a chunk of metal in there!

We decided to leave Friday night rather than Saturday morning. I figured it would be easier to have the kids in their own beds and we wouldn't have to rush in the morning. We walked in to a house that smelled rank like tuna fish, a ruined mattress in the kids playroom, a kitchen floor that desperately needed to be mopped and an 80 degree house. Awesome. We threw the mattress away as soon as we got the kids to bed, just what we felt like doing at 11:30 at night. I quickly mopped the floor and decided everything else could wait. All in all, I was glad to be home.

The next day, I was doing laundry and as I went to pour the laundry soap into the cap- out came water. Uh huh, classy. Mother in law took it upon herself to use up all the laundry soap, then fill the bottle with water like I wouldn't notice! Come the hell on. Jackass. As if that weren't bad enough, the next day, as I was looking for some homemade pickles my lovely neighbor made for me before we left- I realized they were missing. There was two plastic containers of said pickles on the top shelf of the fridge. I looked everywhere- gone. I asked my husband to call his mother and ask her what she did with them. Of course, she denied taking the pickles. I don't care if she ate some of the pickles, but Christ, there were two containers, she could have left me some. After she lied about taking the pickles, she proceeded to call back about 6 times leaving messages about the pickles. "Raannn, call me back about the pickles. I DID NOT take the pickles." -click. Shut up you ass hat, you took the fucking pickles and used up all my laundry soap and let my dog bleed on a mattress and were out cruising in my car...so just shut up about the pickles already.

We never did find them, obviously, but my sister did ask me if I had any pickles at the Labor Day cookout we had Monday. Once I caught on, I dared her to go outside, where mother in law was sitting, and ask my husband. She wouldn't do it. I was tempted myself after watching mother in law fill up four giant plates of food (she is a diabetic, for the record. And also brought nothing to the gathering when everyone else in attendance did...just sayin)...and then she blew up the downstairs bathroom like some sort of sickly man. Jesus, my guests were found wandering the hallway upstairs looking for a bathroom that didn't smell like something just died in it. Couldn't she have taken her giant dump upstairs and spared us all? "Well, I opened the window and you didn't have no spray" was what she said about the filth she left behind, right outside the kitchen, for us all to enjoy. Classy!

Oh well, enough complaining for the day. I should probably drag myself to the grocery store before I change my mind all together. I am fighting a bad case or writers block, both on here and with the book I have been writing. Hoping it ends soon, I miss writing.

Iterruptions

Yeah, I know, life is full of interruptions...except that I think someone may have ordered more than the normal amount for me. When I blogged back in September/October, I seemed to have plenty of time to write something most days. But now, it seems like everything I attempt to do gets only half done, because of all the stinking interruptions!

Seriously, I can't even use the bathroom without at least one child, dog or cat accompanying me. It doesn't matter if I shut and lock the door, they will pound on it until I can take no more, and let them in. I don't like trying to poop with company!...but, I have learned to adjust.

I attempt to clean something, only to get distracted by something I find along the way, someone getting bit, someone needing a new diaper, the phone ringing, etc...and then, three days later, when my husband asks me if I am ever going to clean off the kitchen counter, I am interrupted by a child asking me for a juice cup before I can answer him! It is nuts...really.

It took me all morning to wear the two little ones out enough so they would nap, and then I attempted a shower. (A much needed shower, mind you!) But, that too, was interrupted because Gianna decided she needed to sing, at the top of her lungs, and that was the end of Gracie's nap. So, my shower was half assed, my hair never got dried and I may or may not be wearing underwear. Instead of the peaceful shower I was hoping for, I threw some clothes on and decided to fill up the kids swimming pool and let them play. I got it half way filled before I realized it was filling completely unevenly, because it was on too much of an incline. Yes, I realize I should have taken note to this fact before I started filling it, but my mind doesn't work well these days! I filled it anyway...who cares. As I was trying to turn the hose off, I dropped the phone down the, erm, "hose hole area?"...(well, we have an area cut out in our deck and you have to remove the wood to reach in and turn the hose on and off, if that makes sense?) Of course the phone started ringing as soon as I dropped it down there. Come to think of it, I still haven't checked to see who was calling, but I am pretty sure it wasn't Ed Mc Mann calling to tell me I won the lottery! Before I could get the phone out, the girl's were carrying on for me to get their bathing suits on so the could go play, so I stopped what I was doing and helped them. Off they went to their pool. I grabbed the tongs from the grill, got down on my hands and knees and fished the phone out of the hose hole area. Feeling content for a second, I sat down and lit a cigarette. I glanced over at the girls playing in their pool happily, and was hit on the nose with a raindrop. I shook my head, and tried to convince myself it was nothing...bug pee, bird shit...I really didn't care! Just not rain. Not my luck, however, as the massive downpour began. My kids were screaming because they didn't give a rats ass if it was raining, they were getting their pool on! I had to drag them in the house, collect up all the stuff I had brought outside with me before it was thoroughly soaked and then undress them from their soaking wet bathing suits. 30% chance of showers my ass!

I am getting interrupted right this moment by an eyelash that decided to make its way into my eye ball, causing me just enough discomfort to piss me the hell off. My entire weekend was interrupted thanks to our mortgage company, who decided on Friday, to inform us they would be sending someone out at 9am Monday morning to appraise our home. So, instead of doing fun things with our children, much of our weekend was consumed trying to clean and fix things that needed to be done around the house before this ya-hoo came out. I went to bed, exhausted, Sunday evening. My sleep was interrupted several times throughout the night because Emma didn't want to go to bed, and Gracie ended up with a fever in the middle of the night. So, when I woke up Monday morning, as my children continued to sleep peacefully, to wait for the appraiser man to arrive...I was more than pissed when 9 o'clock passed, 9:30 passed, 10 o'clock passed, 10:30 passed and finally, I asked my husband to call and find out what the hell was going on. Our lovely mortgage company kindly informed him that the appraisal was no longer needed because they did an auto one instead. Are.You.Fucking.Kidding.Me.

I am in dire need of a vacation, without children. Just 24 hours of peace is all I am asking for! No interruptions, just a nice, calm environment with a beach, some drinks with umbrellas in them and a doctor to preform liposuction before I leave! That's surely not too much to ask for??

For the love of matching socks!

Why is it that no matter how many pair of new socks I buy for my kids, I can never seem to find matching pairs? Seriously, I finally got around to tackling the 7 clothes baskets, full of clean clothes, that I have been neglecting to put away this afternoon. Well, I was supposed to work tonight, but my lovely employer decided to cancel me...which is no big deal, because we are super rich and all. I didn't need that money, no ma'am...not I!! Ah hem, anyway...my babysitter still came over, so I figured I would take the time to put some clothes away. Oh, but not before attempting to pick Gianna up from school, only to find that my charming husband ran my car out of gas, then, backed it into the driveway and it wouldn't start. This is the second time he has done this to me in the last week and a half. I was pretty pissed. Especially since I had to put the stinking thing in neutral and use all my strength to try to turn the wheels on the giant SUV to get it down the driveway, onto the street where the ground is level, and pray it started. Did I mention it was pouring down rain?? Thankfully, it started. Men can be total morons sometimes, really!

Anyway, I got a lot done this afternoon. Went through the girl's clothes, separated out baby clothes, (and yes, I sniffled A LOT while looking at the teeny-tiny newborn clothes that my kids wore!) switched clothes from one closet to another...moving Gianna's older things to Gracie's room, and Gracie's to Emma's. Getting summer things ready and winter things packed away. As I am doing all this, I am building a monster pile of socks in the middle of my bed. My kids forever have on unmatched socks. Not only because I am not a rockstar Mom!...but because the sock monster frequently visits our pad!

So, after dinner and getting the kids ready for bed, I decided to tackle the enormous pile of socks and try to make some matches. As soon as I started, the song "Three little kittens, they lost their mittens..." popped into my head. So there I was, singing that damn song over and over in my head, while trying to match children's socks. Good effing times! I probably had 150 socks, and I think I may have come up with 30 matches. What.the.fuck.??? Where are the others? And damn, I really hope this happens to other people!

I really wish I was "that Mom." The Mom who has everything organized, and clean and under control. I am so envious of the women who cook and clean and have a place for everything. Their children forever look meticulous, their homes are spotless and they are a perfect size 5, or 7...what does it matter? Me...I live in chaos! Sometimes, I think I thrive in the chaos...but I still hate it. I wish I had a weekend free, with no kids, and a organizer freak to come over and help me turn my house into a well oiled machine! You don't know how much I would love to have a place for everything. To have toys in proper places. To have matching socks. To make good use of the drawers and shelves in my children's (and my) bedrooms! A girl can dream, right?

Oh well, for now I will carry on living in my unorganized chaos and vow to buy only solid white socks from here on out!