My wedding song was "After All" by Cher and Peter Cetera. Corny? Perhaps, but fitting. My husband and I have split up and gotten back together, well um, a lot of times.
We met in the beginning of January, 2004. We had a great time together, everything was wonderful and our relationship was blossoming as it should. On March 2, 2004, I found out I was pregnant with our first child. Yeah, just meeting a guy, getting to know each other, and then BAM...adding a baby to the mix = kinda tough! We bought a house together while I was pregnant, in July of that year. That added even more strain to our relationship. We split briefly about a month after buying the house (my very first stay with my fabulous sister and brother in law!) Went back about 3 weeks later, had Gianna the end of October, got engaged while I was in labor...and things were swell. Well, they were swell for 5 months or so, and then I believe I moved out again. (Thanks again sis!) ...And then, I went back. And then about a year after that, I left again (um, think I need to thank my sister again??)...and then after a month or so of being apart, I went back! Do you see a pattern here?
After going back that time, I got pregnant with Gracie. We struggled through the pregnancy a little, but made it. And after she was born, you betcha...I left again! Well, kinda...only for a day that time. But still. Then, 6 weeks later, I was pregnant with Emma...um, oops. And again, we struggled through having a 2 year old, a 3 month old and me being pregnant and hormonal. But, we made it. And when Emma was 8 months old, I left again (and yes, I went to my sisters!)
My husband and I started the divorce process, spent all of our income tax money on lawyers, he rented a new place and I eventually moved back into our marital home (once he left it.) The kids were confused, we were confused and hurt and STUPID! After being apart for about 3 months, he asked me if this was what I really wanted, and did I want to try to work things out. And so we did.
Our lives are not perfect, but we both realized that marriages aren't easy...relationships aren't easy. We never gave ourselves time to be "us." We were always so caught up in pregnancies, babies, hormones, hospitals, mood swings, sleepless nights, bottles, diaper changes, pets, bills, work, families and all the other crap in between, that we never gave ourselves a fair chance to behave like a married couple. We didn't work well together, we worked against each other. We placed blame on each other for things that should have been talked about and worked through. To point it simply, we were complete jackasses. Seriously!
We realized that we want our marriage to work, we want our family to be whole, and while that will always take work, dedication and commitment...we are in it for the long haul. We are doing great, laughing together for the first time ever. Discovering things about each other that we never knew. Making time for each other, watching tv together rather than him being downstairs and me being upstairs. Playing with our children together, compromising more, talking more and loving more. Of course there are still things that we struggle with, like, I wish he would notice the over flowing trash can when he leaves for work in the morning!...but really, is it a huge deal? No. Do I love him, absolutely...with all my heart. And I realize that "after all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts, I guess it's meant to be forever you and me, after all."
Marriage is tough. Tougher yet when you have children so soon after meeting, and one after the other after the other. But rather than becoming a statistic, we are fighting for what we believe in, fighting for each other and fighting for our children.
My sister in law lost her mother, suddenly, Saturday night. Her parents had been married for 55 years. We had Easter at our home a few weeks ago, and her parents were here. The two of them sat side by side, in an over-sized chair in our living room, taking care of one another. She would worry about him getting something to eat, he shoved her concern aside and made sure he went out to get her a plate. They were so in love, so committed to each other. My sister in law is an only child, and was the center of their world. As "W" pulled the car up the driveway for his bride to get in, I helped my sister in law walk her mother to the car to climb into the chariot that awaited her. They were like two peas in a pod, they completed each other, they were best friends, husband and wife...soul mates. You could see the love the had for each other in their eyes. They made it through bad times and good times, together. Knowing that they had each other, they faced whatever life handed them. They are a couple I admire, and hope I am lucky enough to have a marriage as wonderful as they made theirs.
As I listened to her loving, heart broken husband read a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "How do I love thee"...tears filled my eyes. He lost his dearest friend, the deepest part of his heart and soul. He picked a beautiful poem to read, and spoke from the depths of his soul about his wife of 55 years. I can only imagine the devastation and emptiness he must feel over the loss of his beloved wife. I can also imagine the lifetime full of memories they built together that he will forever carry in his heart, and cherish until they, one day, meet again. I am thinking of them tonight, with a heavy heart for the whole family. I will remember her always for the wonderful women she was, and always will be in each and every memory I have of her. Rest in peace "P"...what a great women you were.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Recent Comments